


White Lies

by NikaylaSarae



Series: Lies Verse [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Negative Self Talk, Panic/Anxiety Attack, child!deceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:01:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26366119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikaylaSarae/pseuds/NikaylaSarae
Summary: Deceit has been stuck in his ‘role’ as Dilyn for almost a year now. It’s about time he changed that.
Series: Lies Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782367
Comments: 18
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written before Deceit's name reveal.
> 
> Sequel to my fic Little Lies.
> 
> Cross-posted with minor edits from my Tumblr account @stillebesat.

_ Almost a year.  _   


Dilyn stared up at the starry ceiling of Roey’s room, for once wide awake as midnight approached.

_ Almost a year.  _

He groaned, pressing the palms of his still small hands into his eyes before he pushed himself out of his child’s bed, shivering as his bare feet touched the floor. 

He froze as a particularly loud snatch of music drifted through the door from the party happening down below.

_ New Years Eve. _

Dilyn hunched his shoulders, tip-toeing to the chest at the foot of Roey’s bed. 

The year was almost over and Dilyn...Dilyn was still around. His ‘role’ as Roey had put it...lasting far longer than any of them, even Logie could have anticipated. 

_ “I don’t get it, Patton. Deceit should have returned to normal once his illness passed. None of us have ever spent more than a week or two as a child. And it’s been--” _

_ “Months.” Patton said.  _

Dilyn exhaled, rapidly blinking his eyes to keep them clear of tears. Almost a year now. He knew how stubborn Thomas could be, but none of them realized he would be this stubborn. 

_ “I don’t know guys. You know how badly you and Thomas reacted to me whenever I popped up.” Virgil had chimed in. “It took me years to get accepted. It could…” He dropped his voice low enough that Dilyn could barely hear him. “It could take Deceit years to return to normal. We need to consider that.”  _

Years.

He didn’t have years though. He couldn’t stay a child forever! Even with Annie and Roey taking turns masquerading as Deceit to keep the others in the Subconscious unaware of his situation, it would only be a matter of time before--

Dilyn shuddered, raising a hand to brush the scales on his cheek. Before the others found out. Before they broke free of the tenuous control and made themselves known to Thomas.

Deceit had slacked off long enough. 

He was the Gatekeeper! 

_ Was.  _

He was Thomas’s self preservation. He needed to get back to work. Needed to be--

_ Deceit.  _

He grunted, pushing open the lid of the chest with effort, standing on tiptoes to get the lid to fall back against the bed before he reached inside.

Dilyn stepped back, his black cape held tightly in his little hands. He sighed, burying his head into the soft texture, breathing in the scent of home. “I just wanna be me.” He mumbled into the cloth. 

Was that too much to ask? 

He just wanted to be...himself. Be home. Do his job. 

Not that being Dilyn wasn’t nice. Not that being able to speak in truths hadn’t been wonderful. Not that...that having the Big Four...like him….hadn’t been a much needed change of pace.

But he missed his old life. 

Dilyn lifted up his head, eyes glittering with determination.

Tonight.

Tonight he would get that life back.

Dilyn set his cape carefully to the side before he hoisted himself up over the edge of the chest, reaching into the darkness to grab the rest of his Deceit uniform. His shoes, the yellow gloves, his silk shirt, the hat. 

Deceit would rise again. 

He would make sure of it. After all...it was New Years Eve. The year was ending. A new one beginning. It was a time where people could make their goals and wishes for the year feel more like an attainable reality instead of a wishful fantasy. 

Glancing at the door, because he wouldn’t put it past Morey to come check in on him even with the party going on below. Dilyn bundled everything together, his small arms barely able to wrap around his uniform as he lifted it. 

It took a bit of juggling, to hold his clothes and get the door to Roey’s room open, but he managed it. 

Holding his breath, Dilyn slipped into the hallway and paused to listen to the party below. 

If it had been any other New Years...Deceit would have been down there in the middle of things. He would have been causing his yearly disturbance before the Countdown by predicting how Thomas would be lying to himself in making his New Year’s resolutions. 

His lips quirked in a small smile. Logie and Roey’s fervent denials of Thomas failing again were always a favorite of his to hear. 

Dilyn hunched his shoulders as carefree laughter sounded below. 

Had been a favorite. 

_ Almost a year.  _

He turned, silently padding along the hallway heading to the back of the Big Four’s ‘apartment’ to the balcony Roey had created so Logie could stargaze at night.

Pushing his way outside, Dilyn shivered in the cool night air, the scales on his face immediately growing cold. He looked up, confirming that Roey’s giant countdown star that hung in the sky hadn’t yet gone supernova. 

It hadn’t.

He had a little time. 

“Deceit will rise.” He whispered, setting his clothes down. 

If he was standing in his old clothes when the star flashed to mark the new year. If...if he...he wished hard enough. 

Dilyn let out a shaky breath, swinging his circus tent of a cape around his shoulders. “Please.” 

He’d been Dilyn for almost a year.

Deceit needed to return.

Thomas needed Deceit. Despite what his Host thought. He needed him. 

_ Please.  _

Dilyn set the hat on his head, adjusting the tilt so it wouldn’t fall down over his eyes before pulling his yellow gloves on and slipping into the shoes that were far too large for his feet. 

_ Almost a year.  _

Steeling himself, he waddled closer to the railing, wincing as his shoes slapped far too loudly on the floor, his shirt and cape threatening to tangle in his legs with every step. 

Still, he managed to reach the bars without tripping and pressed his face into the gap, looking up. “Please.” He whispered as the star swelled, growing larger and brighter as it sank towards the horizon. Barely, he could hear the faint sounds of the countdown being yelled by the others below. 

“Let Deceit rise.” His tiny fingers tightened on the bars. “Let me….be me.”

He wanted it.

He missed it.

Thomas needed him. 

His heart climbed into his throat as the star sunk. Just let…”Please. I wish….I wanna be normal.” 

**“THREE!”**

This had to work. It had to!

**“TWO!”**

Dilyn clenched his tiny hands inside the gloves. 

Please.

**“ONE!”**

He inhaled sharply, eyes closing as the star exploded, sending a brilliant ring of light racing across the horizon. 

_ Let me be Deceit.  _

A moment of silence. 

**HAPPY NEW YEARS!!”**

Dilyn winced, the hat sliding down over his face as he duck his head, his ears ringing from the yells and banging pots coming from below. 

A New Year.

_ And he didn’t feel any different.  _

Breath catching, Dilyn opened his eyes and lifted shaky hands up to his face. 

The yellow gloves flopped at the movement, his child’s hands still unable to fill the space. 

A sob tore from his throat as his heart shattered.

_ No. Please! NO!! _

Dilyn sunk to his knees, hugging himself, his tent like cape pooling around him. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he looked up to the blurry sky above, letting out a soft wail of despair as the reality that he was still stuck as a child came crashing down. 

Why couldn’t he, just for once, have had a wish come true?


	2. Chapter 2

_ Such a child.  _

Dilyn rested his head against his knees, pressing his burning eyes against the soft fabric of the circus tent of a cape, breath hitching no matter how hard he tried to gain control of himself.

_ Such a fool.  _

Fresh tears welled, running down his cheeks as he sniffed, rubbing mucus all over his grown up uniform, shivering in the darkness. 

He’d been an  _ idiot  _ to believe--believe that  _ wishing  _ on a stupid star of Roey’s making would--would change him back. 

_ Some Gatekeeper, unable to tell your truths from your lies.  _

And hadn’t wishing on a fake star been one of the bigger lies he’d told to the others when they were younger? 

Dilyn hunched his shoulders. He’d been a child too long. Been caught up in the act. Been--been  _ believing  _ that a stupid little wish would--would--

_ Thomas doesn’t need Deceit. That’s a Fact.  _

A soft whimper left his lips as he curled up tighter. He would--would need to head back inside soon. Get---get back to bed like--like the good Dilyn was supposed to be. Not Le--let--the others--th-they couldn’t kno-know that he’d--tried--tried this  _ stupid  _ wishing thing. He shouldn’t--

“Dilyn?” A familiar voice asked in a low tone. “What are you doing--” 

Dilyn stiffened.  _ Virgil.  _ How long had he been up here?! He couldn’t see him like this!

He grabbed at the air in a knee jerk reaction to silence Anxiety. To get him to--

_ Idiot.  _

_ It doesn’t work for them.  _

Dilyn dropped his hand before finishing the gesture, his heart dropping into the pit of his stomach.

He hadn’t been able to silence the Big Four since--since---

Dilyn whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut.

_ Powerless. _

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

_ Useless.  _

“Dee?” 

There had been a time when the barest hint of being willing to silence him would have sent Annie fleeing from Deceit’s presence. 

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

Dilyn choked back another sob, burying his head deeper into the folds of his cape. Those days were long gone. Annie rarely cowered since he’d joined the Light Sides. Since he’d been accepted by Thomas.

_ Thomas will never accept you. _

_ You’ll be a child forever.  _

He tensed as Virgil sat down next to him. Why was he still here? Annie didn’t  _ care _ about him. He  _ only _ went along with disguising himself as Deceit in order to protect Thomas from the Others. He should be back downstairs celebrating the New Year with Roey, Morey, and Logie. 

He should be celebrating that Deceit wasn’t there to terrorize and ruin the night.  _ Ruin another year.  _

“You remember when we used to come up here as kids?” Annie asked as the banging of pots and pans below finally faded away. 

Dilyn’s breath hitched, his fingers digging into the tent that was his cape. “ _ No.” _ He lied, gritting his teeth to keep himself from saying more. If he didn’t  _ talk  _ to Annie then he would have no reason to  _ stay  _ and would  _ leave  _ him alone. 

Virgil scoffed, tapped his fingers against the boards. “I’m surprised.” He remarked. “You were the one who brought me up here when we were…what? Five?” 

Five? No. He’d tried to do so back then, but Annie had been far too entrenched in the subconscious to convince him that year. “Six.” He whispered. 

It had been a nightmare getting the darkling up here. Each step had taken an eternity to take because Anxiety had been convinced that every shifting shadow was one of the Big Three descending on them to banish them back into the subconscious away from  _ Happy  _ Little Thomas. 

“That was the first year I saw Creativity’s Star.” Virgil shifted, his arm brushing Dilyn’s as he settled more comfortably against the bars of the balcony. “You told me that if we wished hard enough, whatever we wished for would come true.” 

_ Foolish.  _

_ Such Naivety. _

Dilyn sniffed, rubbing his nose against his cape as he reluctantly lifted his head, resting his chin on his knees as he watched the last sparks of the star vanish. “I lied.” He whispered. Because that was what he--what Deceit _did._ Lied. _Again and again and again._ Telling the others what they wanted to hear, telling them what would give them _hope_ because he too had been foolish enough to believe that they wouldn’t _always_ be in the dark. _Always_ be in the subconscious. 

He knew better now. 

Annie huffed a laugh, his tense shoulders relaxing as he slid down the banister, his head now more on level with Dilyn’s. “I don’t think you did. At least not as much back then. I mean, you wished on it too.” 

_ It didn’t work back then either.  _

Dilyn choked on a sob, scrubbing roughly at his eyes. He’d known better back then, why had he--

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

He’d been little too long, gotten sucked into the delusions children easily believed. “Imma fool. Wishes no come true.” 

“Not all of them no.” Annie looked down, fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. “And the ones that do...don’t always…” He licked his lips, shrugging a shoulder. “...they don’t come true when we want them to, but when the time is right.” 

When the time was right?  _ When the time was RIGHT?  _ He vividly remembered telling that same stupid sentiment to Annie right before he’d  _ left  _ them for the light sides. And now Annie, no now  _ ANXIETY  _ of all people had used those words to defy Deceit. To  _ leave  _ despite Deceit’s strong argument otherwise. And it had  _ worked  _ for him. It had WORKED and---not--not---

_ You’ll never be liked by Thomas. Admit it. He hates you. You’re no Virgil. You don’t get redemption. You get to be a freaking CHILD.  _

“ _ NEVER.”  _ Dilyn practically spat the word, tearing his too large hat off his head and flinging it at the balcony door. 

_ Never. _

_ Thomas will NEVER like you. _

_ You failed. _

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

His eyes burned as fresh tears streamed down his cheek. “ _ Never. NEVER. NEVER COMES TRUE! IT NEVER-- _ ” 

Dilyn turned shoving his face into Virgil’s side, unable to keep it together anymore, he sobbed harder, clinging to Annie’s hoodie like the helpless pathetic child he was. “ _Nevernevernever.”_ _  
_ “Whoa--whoa. Hey.” Annie wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. “Dee--” 

“It’s  _ Dilyn. _ ” He bitterly corrected. He would  _ always  _ be Dilyn. He was  _ nothing  _ else to Thomas now. Not after a year! “ _ Deceit’s gone. Powers bye bye. All unwant--” _

Virgil inhaled sharply, holding Dilyn closer. “You’re lying.” 

Lying?

_ LYING! _

Dilyn growled, shoving away from Annie’s side. “I STILL SMALL!” He yelled, pushing to his feet, gesturing at himself. “I HERE A YEAR, VEE AND I STILL SMALL.  _ TOMMY DOESN’T WANT ME. DOESN’T NEED ME _ .” He glared at Virgil, stomping his foot. “HOW IS  **THAT.** ” His voice cracked. “LYING?!”

“Hey.” Vee sat up, pulling him back into a tight hug, rocking him back and forth “Hey. No. Dee. No. It’s not like that.”

How could he believe that? HOW? 

Dilyn whimpered, digging his fingers into Virgil’s jacket, shivering as the wind picked up, easily sending a cool gust through his oversized clothes. “Tis too.”

“It’s not. You don’t think….” Vee exhaled, rubbing his back. “That me wishing the same stupid wish every year was...pointless? You don’t think after ten years I had stopped believing Thomas would ever accept me? That all my work was for nothing?”

But it hadn’t been. Virgil had been accepted _.  _ His stupid wish had come true. 

_ He’s better than you. Of course it would come true. Thomas likes him.  _

Vee, squeezed him, running his fingers through his hair. “Your wishing isn’t pointless. You will be yourself again, Dee. You’ll...grow up. Thomas will...will learn to--”

Learn to what?

_ Get rid of you. That’s what. Thomas doesn’t need Deceit anymore. _

The lump in his throat grew bigger. Dilyn pressed his face harder into the hoodie. “He  _ loves  _ me.” He choked out.

“He hated me too.” Virgil said softly. “You know that.” 

Yah. So? 

“But look how that’s changed in the past year.” 

Dilyn huffed a bitter laugh, curling up in Vee’s lap. Sure. Annie had changed a lot. Revealing his name, upgrading his clothes, changing the Big Three into the Big Four with the others accepting him as necessary to Thomas’s functions. But that was  _ different. _ “That...you.” He whispered. “You...liked. All Tommy’s fans like you.” He’d seen the feedback in the videos. Seen the fans wanting Virgil to be loved by the others. The fans had loved Anxiety from the very beginning. While Deceit--Deceit--had-- “I’m...I just…” He raised a hand to his scaled cheek.

_ Hated. _

_ Scorned.  _

_ What more did you expect from a Dark Side? _

_ Only pure evil would pretend to be Morality. _

_ You’ll never be liked by them. _

_ Ever.  _

_ They hate you. _

_ They always will. _

Virgil pressed his warmer hand against Dilyn’s, rubbing his thumb gently against his scales. “You’re doing what I did when I first showed up.” He said. “Making a bad first impression. Thomas will come around. More of his fans will come around. I mean...you’ve convinced us as Dilyn that you’re not that bad of a guy. It just takes--”

He groaned, jerking his head away from Vee’s hand. “Time.” He practically spat, fingers clenching on the drawstrings of his hoodie. It just takes time. Just a little more time. Another day of being small, another month of being a child. None of the others had been small for this long though! How did they know anything? “How. Much. Longer. Vee?” He demanded. “How mucher more?” He sniffed, rubbing his nose against the cape. “I small a year! I wanna…” Dilyn dropped his voice, “I wish….”

_ Let Deceit Rise. _

_ Just let me be…me.  _

Virgil reached out resting his hand against the scales one more, a small smile playing on his lips as Dilyn leaned into his touch. “That you were big? That you were Deceit again?”

He flinched, ducking his head.  _ “It’s dumb.” _

Virgil gently lifted his chin back up to meet his eyes. “I don’t think so.”

_ Truth.  _

_ Why-- _ Tears again filled his eyes. “But you should.” He whispered, voice trembling.  _ “I do.”  _

Vee exhaled, chewing on his bottom lip, dark eyes searching Dilyn’s.

Dilyn frowned, fidgeting under Annie’s stare. “What?” He finally snapped, poking him in the nose, unable to take the scrutiny.

Virgil wrinkled his nose, pulling back out of Dilyn’s reach. “Nothing.”    


He huffed, shaking his head. “No, you thinking something. What?” 

“Just…” Virgil shrugged. “Your role as Dilyn. Maybe...it’s time to end it.” 

End it? Dilyn scoffed. END IT? He could only _end it_ if he was _BIG_ again. And that was _NEVER_ going to happen. He was _powerless._ ”Why? All clear. I small. _Forever_. The End.”

“Well…” Virgil moved him off his lap “I was thinking that I can’t make you big again, Dee.” 

Dilyn rolled his eyes, hugging himself in an effort to stop shivering. “Duh, Annie.” He grumbled. If any of the others could have made him big again they would have  _ already  _ done it! It wasn’t like the Big Four actually  _ wanted  _ him around. They were just tolerating him to protect Thomas from the others. 

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

“But.”

Dilyn looked up, frowning as the night sky behind Vee seemed to waver. “But?” 

Virgil smirked, raising his own hand in a similar gesture to Deceit’s silencing one, the inky darkness behind him surging forward as he completed the movement to engulf Dilyn in pitch blackness before he could blink. “You can still be Deceit.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dilyn yelped, heart jumping into his throat as he jerked his hands up, crossing his arms uselessly in front of his face, eyes snapping shut as the Shadows wrapped around his small body like a thick woolen blanket.

It was a stupid reaction. A childish knee-jerk reaction--but at the same time he knew all too well exactly what Vee’s Shadows could do. They were a thing you never wanted to encounter and he’d just--

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

_ Letting yourself be caught off guard like that.  _

He’d been an idiot. Crying in front of Annie, letting him  _ think  _ he was trying to  _ help  _ comfort him. __

_ An obvious trick and you fell for it.  _

“So...what do you think?” Vee asked as the shadows vanished as abruptly as they’d engulfed Dilyn, letting the cool night air once again surround him.

Think?  _ Think?  _

He thought he was an dumb, childish, idiot. That’s what he thought. 

“Dee? It’s okay.” 

Why did Vee sound so Anxious? Anxiety was never Anxious when it came to his Shadows. They’d been his main defense once he’d learned to control them in Middle School. They’d been the main reason why Deceit hadn’t been able to stop him when Annie decided to leave. Why he had lost that particular fight. 

And Dilyn had  _ foolishly  _ forgotten that Annie could control them! 

“Dee…” Vee fidgeted nearby. “I promise. You’re okay. I wouldn’t hurt you. I’m only trying to help.”

_ Truth.  _

But then why attack him with the Shadows in the first place? Cautiously Dilyn cracked open one eye, heart pounding in his ears as he carefully lifted his head, wary that the Shadows were just waiting to engulf him agai--but no. Vee had promised. He hadn’t lied about tha--Dilyn’s forgot to breathe as he caught sight of his hands, still held protectively in front of him.

Hands wearing yellow gloves.

Gloves that  _ fit. _

“Oh.” He whispered, eyes going wide as he dropped his hands, staring down at the new clothes he’d been changed into. Cautiously, not quite believing what he was seeing, he ran gloved fingers along the edge of the dark cape wrapped around his shoulders, so similar to his adult version but one that--that fit instead of drowning him.

_ You can still be Deceit. _

A thrill of exhilaration rushed through him. It.  _ FIT.  _ This was his!--only it wasn’t his outfit. The fabric was different, softer and warmer, the stitching around the edges similar to Vee’s new jack--

_ Virgil made this.  _

He inhaled sharply, looking up into Vee’s half shadowed face. “You--” He gestured to himself before reaching up to take his hat from his head. One that wouldn’t slip down over his eyes. One that _ fit.  _ “For me?” He didn’t think that...that Annie...cared like that.

Sure, they had been getting along better recently, but out of the Big Four, Vee had been the most reluctant to stay around Dilyn. Tolerate him? Sure. Hang with him? Not without someone else present. Protect him? Of course without question. But Care? 

Vee shrugged, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he fiddled with the zippers on his jacket. “I...yah.” The corner of his mouth twitched. “It’s not like I can wear it, Dee.”

True. But--Dilyn slipped the hat back on, pulling it low over his eyes and let out a shuddering breath, his tense shoulders relaxing.

_ Home. _

Vee had been the most vocal against Deceit when he first appeared, had been the one least likely to trust anything he said or did as Dilyn...and now?

_ You can still be Deceit. _

Of all the Sides, Dilyn would never have pegged Virgil as the one to  _ want  _ to help him get back to normal.

“So…” Vee shifted awkwardly, eyes flickering as he chewed his bottom lip. “You like it?”

“Like it?” Dil--Deceit repeated, hugging himself underneath his new cape, grateful that he could hide his arms again. “I---I” He looked up to the Anxious Side unable to stop the grin from spreading across his face as he bounced on his toes. “I  _ HATE  _ IT!”

It was wonderful! Glorious! Almost  _ almost  _ he could forget that he was a child.  _ Almost  _ he felt like he was normal again.  _ Almost  _ he felt like he could again fulfill his role as Gatekeeper.

Virgil tensed, black smoke briefly wrapping around his shoulders before he suddenly relaxed, huffing a laugh “That’s…good.” He said scooting closer to Deceit, holding out his hand. “I’m not done yet though.”

Deceit blinked. “You not?” What more could Vee do? He already had his outfit back.

“You think the others downstairs will believe you’re Deceit if you still sound like a kid? I--” He shrugged. “I may be able to fix that--” He took a breath, the eyeshadow underneath his eyes getting darker.  **“But you would need to be willing to experience a bit of anxiety--** ” He said in his tempest tongue as he held out his hand, the fingernails turning black.

_ Anxiety.  _

Goosebumps rose on his skin. No one liked feeling anxiety. But there was no lie in that Virgil’s voice had grown deeper. If Deceit could  _ sound  _ like his old self and not like the child he was then he could finally go--

_ Home.  _

He practically threw his hand into Virgil’s and gasped, knees buckling as a wave of cold terror washed through him like he’d been doused in an ice bath. Swallowing hard he gritted his teeth, fighting against the anxiety coursing through him.

Virgil tensed. “ **Dee we don’t--”**

Deceit violently shook his head, stubbornly clinging to Vee’s hand, refusing to let go.

He  _ wanted _ this.

He  _ needed _ this. 

_ To help Thomas.  _

_ To protect Thomas. _

_ Thomas needed to be safe.  _

_ Safe from a world filled with lies. _

_ Thomas needed him to be Deceit.  _

He drew in a shuddering breath, forcing himself to speak though his tongue wanted to cleave to the top of his mouth.  **_“IS IT WORK--”_ **

Deceit cut off, flinching at how loud his voice was. Too loud. 

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

_ You can’t sneak around if your voice is that loud idiot!  _

But his voice  _ was _ a deeper.

_ Not like a child’s voice at all.  _

Vee frowned, shoulders hunching. “Too strong.” He murmured, eyes narrowing as he focused.

The ice threatening to engulf Deceit vanished, leaving only the faintest traces of butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He looked up, meeting Vee’s eyes. “Annie?” He asked, his young voice once more normal. NO! He couldn’t--he couldn’t sound like a _ child! It wasn’t enough! _

“And now not enough.” Virgil echoed his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip as he adjusted his grip.

Deceit shivered, forcing himself to stay still as a tendril of cold crawled up his arm, causing his heart to jump into his throat. 

_ You can’t do anything if you’re not Deceit.  _

“Is that...are you okay Dee?” Virgil asked, keeping his voice low. 

Deceit squeezed his eyes shut, breathing through his nose.  **“I’m FInE.”** He could do this. 

_ Thomas needed him to do this. _

He could hear the change in his voice. Hear how it was almost like his much longed for adult one. 

_ He could do this. He could handle this!  _

Virgil’s grip slackened, his black fingernails growing grey. “I think...Dee maybe we should stop.” 

_ WHAT?! NO!  _ Deceit jerked his head up, fear rushing through him.  _ If he wasn’t DECEIT he wasn’t-- “ _ **_I’m fine!”_ ** He growled out, clinging to Virgil, refusing to let him pull away. “ **I can do this, It’s working! We can’t stop!**

His heart skipped a beat. There was his voice! That was the deepness they were looking for. If he kept to the shadows in the subconscious he wouldn’t have to rely on Roman or Virgil to act like him. He could  _ be himself and do his job!  _

_ He needed this to protect Thomas from all the lies. _

Virgil shook his head, easily pulling free from Deceit’s grip, the eyeshadow fading. “No. This was a bad idea. We--”

**“NO!!”** Deceit surged forward, grabbing Virgil’s hand, terror roaring in his ears. Vee  _ couldn’t take this  _ from him. He  _ needed it!  _

“ **I** **_can_ ** **do th** is, Vee.” His heart dropped as his young voice echoed in his ears. NO! He couldn’t be a child and do his job! His bottom lip trembled as he fought to keep his vision clear. “You  _ promised you’d HELP ME!”  _   


_ He was nothing if he wasn’t Deceit! Virgil had to see that. He had to help him. He. Promised! _

Anxiety’s eyes flashed. “I said you could still be Deceit, Dee.” He said again pulling away. “But this-- _ this.”  _ He waved his fingers as the nails returned to normal. “Was a bad ide--”

_ But he was NOTHING if he wasn’t Deceit! _

“NO!” Deceit grabbed at the air with both hands. Virgil  _ had  _ to help hi _ \-- _

Vee’s hands slapped to his mouth with a  **SMACK** that echoed in the still night air. 

Virgil stiffened, terror flashing through his eyes as his eyeshadow and fingernails went pitch black.

Deceit froze, mouth dropping open, glancing to his clenched fists then back to Vee--frozen under his control. It worked? His powers…worked?


	4. Chapter 4

Deceit’s fists trembled as he struggled wrap his mind around--he had to be dreaming. Because---because-h-how could his powers work up here?! They weren’t supposed to while he was a chil--

A tidal wave of darkness burst from Virgil and engulfed Deceit with enough force to knock him off his feet. 

He cried out, instinctively curling into a ball as he flew backwards, wincing as his back slammed into the bars of the railing.

Deceit gasped, struggling for air as he fell to the ground. His hands curled up tighter, nails digging into the palms of his hands as he pressed them against his chest while he struggled to get his lungs working again. A difficult task when it seemed like the thick, heavy blanket of shadows were weighing him with increasing pressure, seemingly trying to flatten him like a pancake against the wood of the deck. 

_ Trapped.  _

_ GET UP. _

Deceit gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to push to his knees.

If he’d been his normal size, it would have been so much easier. 

As a child? Fighting against the shadows was like trying to lift a bus.

Impossible.

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

_ FIGHT BACK! _

A soft whimper escaped him as he managed to get to his knees, his knuckles white and palms aching from hard he was squeezing his hands, certain that it was the only thing keeping him from being squeezed into nothingness by Anxiety. 

_ Fight!  _

Dee gritted his teeth, slowly forcing his head up away from the floor, trembling with the effort. 

_ Make eye contact. _

It would be easier to fight if he could see what Vee was doing. If he could take control of more than Anxiety’s hands.

It was the  _ only _ way.

He  _ had _ to do this. He  _ had _ to--to--defeat Virgil and--and-

Dee managed to look up in time to see the swirling shadows split enough for him to catch a brief glimpse of Vee’s pale, terrified face. His hands still pressed against his mouth.

_ And what? _

_ Go back to being hated by everyone? _

He recoiled. NO!

The shadows surged forward again, taking advantage of Deceit’s momentary weakness, and shoved him back down to the ground.

_ Useless.  _

_ FIGHT BACK. _

_ You’re NOTHING if you’re not Deceit! _

_ This is what HAS to be done. _

_ To protect Thomas you HAVE to be DECEIT! _

_ You HAVE to CONTROL the OTHERS.  _

Did he? 

Deceit’s fingers spasmed against his chest, Vee’s terrified face etched into his mind.

Did he really have to be big, bad, evil Deceit? 

_ YES! _

No.

He shook his head, breath hitching as his thoughts raced and swirled trying to--to make sense--to figure out--i

Because if he--if he went back to being Deceit, then--then--

He could see his path back to being the bad guy it all too clearly. 

Once he defeated Virgil’s shadows, Deceit would prevent Anxiety from warning the others. He would then go down the steps to the party below. He would grab at the air, once more using his powers to force the Big Three to bend to his will. Force them to stay silent to protect Thomas from the things he didn’t want to know about himself. Force them to see the  _ bigger picture  _ of how to keep Thomas safe. __

No longer working with them. 

No longer being welcomed. 

No longer having a battle of wits with Logan.

No longer going on mini adventures with Roman.

No longer experimenting with new recipes in the kitchen with Patton. 

And definitely no longer playing lookout with Virgil when the former Dark Side would let him. 

Deceit would become _ nothing  _ more than the  _ bad guy _ again. Hated. Despised.

His heart stuttered in his chest at the thought, feeling like it was tearing in half.

He didn’t want to be hated again.

_ That’s your JOB! _

_ You are here to do the HARD things. _

_ You are the GATEKEEPER. _

_ You NEED to PROTECT THOMAS! _

Dee sniffed, eyes burning.

But if--If Thomas actually  _ needed _ him...then wouldn’t he have been back to normal by now? He’d been gone a year from his position as the Gatekeeper and Thomas was still alive. Still functioning. The others were minding themselves without his constant interference and guidance. With only the brief token appearances by Roman or Virgil pretending to be him.

_ He doesn’t need you.  _

Dee choked on a sob as he stopped fighting the shadows, letting their black weight hold him down though they could do nothing to get his hands to relax to free Virgil. 

_ Thomas doesn’t need you.  _

He hunched his shoulders, fists shaking, soft whimpers caught in his throat as he tried to control the tears flowing unchecked down his cheeks by pressing his face into the cloak Vee had made for him.

Made for him because he cared.

_ Like he’ll care anymore. _

_ No one cares for the Bad Guy. _

And by trying to be Deceit again, he had proved himself to be just the villain and ruined everything good that had happened in the past yea--

Warmth suddenly enveloped him, lifting him up and away from the weighty darkness, gently rocking him back and forth as a soft humming reached his ears. 

_ ~You may be right, but I’ll prove you wrong.~  _ The lyrics came to mind as the humming shifted into the familiar song that Virgil had sung for a week straight once to annoy him.  _ ~We’ll both find out in time if they’re lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeessss.~ _

Virgil.

Deceit cracked open an eye, glancing up through his lashes to the former Dark Side. 

Virgil had his arms awkwardly around him, despite his hands still firmly being pressed against his mouth, holding Dee protectively in his lap.

_ Trapped. _

_ Virgil will NEVER like you now.  _

_ EVER. _

Deceit flinched, hands clenching tighter against his chest which caused Virgil’s own hands to press harder against his mouth.

The humming faltered and a tremor shook Virgil’s body as he glanced down, the shadows behind him swirling like a black kaleidoscope. 

Deceit stiffened further, heart rate picking up as their eyes met, his fingernails digging deeper into the skin of his palms.

_ NO NO NO.  _ But Deceit couldn’t force himself to relax. It was like his hands had frozen in place.

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

But there wasn’t hatred in Virgil’s gaze. The shadows didn’t attack again.

No. There was only--only…concern? Worry?

Why would Anxiety be worried for him and NOT HATE him?!

Virgil closed his eyes, breaking eye contact first as he bowed his head, keeping a steady pressure on Deceit. Softly, he began humming again, rocking Dee back and forth in a soothing manner.

_ ~I won’t let them be lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeeessss. I’m doing fine.~  _

Deceit swallowed, heart pounding frantically in his chest as he buried his head against Anxiety’s chest, his mind racing as he listened to the song. 

Virgil would never have done this before. He would have fought back with his Shadows, forced Deceit back into the subconscious. 

Yet--Anxiety was--was comforting him, helping him despite the fact that Deceit couldn’t get his fingers to uncurl.

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

His breath hitched as his fingers spasmed. 

Come on.

Come. On! 

_ ~I won’t let them be lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeeessss. I’m doing fine.~  _

Virgil was helping him! He--he had to help him back. Free Vee. 

Deceit closed his eyes, forcing himself to draw in deeper breaths.

Thomas _ didn’t need _ him.

_ Didn’t need _ the Gatekeeper.

He  _ didn’t need  _ to silence Virgil. 

Not when he was trying to help.

Deceit had to free him.

Eyes burning, more betraying tears slipping down his cheeks, Deceit uncurled his fingers in one swift movement, dropping his hands to his sides, finally freeing Anxiety from his hold. 

_ Thomas doesn’t need me.  _

Virgil stilled, abruptly going silent. 

Deceit hunched his shoulders, smushing his face against Vee’s hoodie. 

He should just...leave. Go where he couldn’t--couldn’t si-silence an-anyone a-again--

He sobbed as Vee ran gentle fingers through his hair. 

“Shh. Shh.” Virgil whispered. “It’s okay Dee. I got you. It’s okay. You’re okay.” 

_ Apologize.  _ He--he needed to do that--to try--try---

“I’m--I’m---s--s-sorry.” He managed to choke out.

_ Sorry doesn’t FIX it. You SILENCED him. HE-- _

A quiet sigh cut through Deceit’s spinning thoughts as Anxiety held him tighter. “No, Dee.” Virgil said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have--that was stupid to give you anxiety to deepen--I just wanted to--” 

Deceit curled up further in Virgil’s lap. “…help?” He asked, his voice sounding so small compared to his normal kid tones. 

Virgil trailed his fingers lightly down his scaled cheek, drawing the faintest traces of smoke--the last of the ill-gotten anxiety from him. “Yah.” 

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

_ If you hadn’t been so weak. It could have WORKED! _

For who? 

It was clear that his year spent with the Big Four had...well changed him more than he thought.

Before it wouldn’t have bothered him to silence anyone. Deceit had purposely kept himself apart to do so in good conscience. He’d kept himself from growing close to anyone so he could be the Gatekeeper. So he could protect Thomas.

_ Thomas doesn’t need you.  _

Deceit wrapped his arms around Vee, hugging him as best he could with his short arms.

_ Some Gatekeeper. Seeking comfort.  _

“You did help. Lots.” He whispered. 

Not in the way he wanted.

But it was clear.

He couldn’t be-- _ act  _ like his old self anymore.

Vee scoffed even as he held him tighter. “But I thought you wanted to be Decei--” 

“I...I…” Deceit--Dee? swallowed, struggling to get the words out. He  _ should _ want it. He had wanted it. He was  _ supposed _ to be Deceit. The Dark Side. The Gatekeeper. But now...now that he had a chance for a taste of being---good---liked---Dee let out a shaky breath, twisting his head to rest his cheek more comfortably against Vee’s chest as he dropped the hug. 

It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He’d been so certain walking out onto the balcony. But now? Dee looked down at his trembling hands. After silencing Virgil and seeing that flash of terror in his eyes before the shadows had attacked him? 

He shivered. “I--I don’t know…” He mumbled, voice wavering. “I thought I wanted--Vee…but you...scared.” He swallowed, forcing himself to look up at Virgil, his heart twisting at the reddened handprints still fading over his mouth. “I...I know I don’t want that.” He whispered as Virgil raised an eyebrow, his eyes shining with concern. Not with hatred. Or with terror at being silenced. Concern. For Dece--Dee--for him. 

Dee’s vision blurred as he struggled to get the words out over the lump forming in his throat.

_ Weakling. _

_ Gatekeepers don’t cry like little useless babies.  _

But that’s what he was now. A child.  _ Nothing more. _ “I-I do-don’t want you--o-or-th-the others---to--to...h-hate me again and--and--and if I-I’m De-Deceit.” He reached up, roughly brushing at his scales as more tears ran down them.  _ “You will. _ ”


	5. Chapter 5

“Falsehood.”

Dee jumped, heart stuttering as Logey’s voice came from the doorway somewhere behind Virgil. Instinctively he tried to shove away from him and vanish from sight, but with Vee’s arms protectively holding him in place, he couldn’t go anywhere.

_ Trapped.  _

Nononononono NO! 

Dee made a small noise of protest, flinching as soft footsteps moved closer. 

It was one thing to be pathetic in front of Virgil, the former Dark Side. 

It was completely different to show Log--

“Kiddo…” Patton whispered from just behind Vee.

A third shadowy figure appeared, highlighted by the light coming from the doorway. “We wouldn’t hate you, Dil.” Roman said.

To show the  _ others  _ how much of a weakling he’d become.   


Dee’s breath caught in his throat as he ducked his head against Virgil’s chest, taking refuge from everyone in the only place he could when he couldn’t just sync out to get away from them because he was still a freaking  _ powerless  _ child! 

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

_ You’re pathetic.  _

He hadn’t even heard the french doors open! How long had they been standing there listening--listening to him being--being--pathet--WAIT. Dee tensed, heart taking off like a hummingbird’s wings in his chest. Had the others seen him silence Vee? Had they watched him struggle to release him from his hold? What if they thought Dee had been purposely holding him captive! A long con that they walked in on, not knowing that Deceit had been trying to free Virgil. That he hadn’t meant to silence him! That it was an accid--

_ They’re gonna hate you for this.  _

_ You Betrayed their trust.  _

_ You can’t just silence the Big Four. _

_ Monster.  _

“Dee.” Virgil’s voice seemed to come from the end of a long tunnel. “Dee.” He felt fingers moving through his hair again. “Stop. Don’t--” 

S-s-stop? Stop?! How could he?! HE was DECEIT! He was the  _ BAD guy _ and the others now  _ KNEW _ it. He whimpered, struggling to draw air to speak. “I-I-I--” He couldn’t get the words out. He couldn’t!

_ They’ll hate you.  _

Something pressed against his back, rubbing small circles there. “Kiddo. Kiddo please. You’re okay. You need to breathe. Can you breathe for us?” 

B-breathe? How would that help them not hate him? Dee squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers twisting into the fabric of Virgil’s hoodie so they wouldn’t accidentally grab at the air.

_ Yah that would be just grand if you silence them.  _

_ They’ll hate you. _

_ No matter what. _

_ They will. _

_ You can’t stop being you.  _

“It’s okay, Dil--ah Dee? Dee.” Roman said as warm fingers trailed down his bare cheek, brushing at the tears that lingered there. 

_ Dil. _

Dee flinched.

_ They only like you because you’ve been Dilyn. _

_ They’ll never like Deceit. _

Virgil’s arms tightened around him as Roey’s fingers paused, feather light on him. “You’re okay, my young Prince.” He soothed. 

_ Not okay. _

_ Never okay. _

_ Pathetic Gatekeeper. _

_ Can’t even function properly without freaking out.  _

Yet Dee found himself leaning into Roman’s warm palm, his hands frozen in Virgil’s hoodie. “I-I-I-” 

“Deceit.” Logan said in his usual calm tones, using Dee’s title like it was the most natural thing in the world after a year of calling him Dilyn. He placed his fingers on his arm, gently tapping in an odd pattern repeating pattern of four, seven, then eight. “You are safe with us. You are not in any danger.”

_ Yet. _

“Just breathe for now. Don’t try and speak just yet.” Anxiety huffed, again running his fingers through Dee’s hair. “Trust me, I know how this works.” 

“We can wait, kiddo.”

“Until you are calmer.”

“Take your time, Dil--Dee.”

“You just need to breathe for us.” Patton said, continuing to rub his back. “Breathe.” 

Breathe. They just wanted him to breathe. Dee nodded, keeping his eyes shut as he shakily lifted one hand, disrupting Logan’s tapping on his arm, to grab onto Roman’s finger’s, clinging to them like a drowning man clinging to a fraying string. Breathe. Okay… Okay…how? 

_ You forgot how to breathe?  _

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

_ Can’t even breathe properly. _

“Sometimes it helps to focus on something else.” Virgil whispered, rocking him back and forth, continuing to hold him close with one arm, while the other hand played with his hair. “Like...I don’t know...can you--do you taste something?” 

Taste? How could tasting anything help him breathe?! What sort of stupid quest-- Dee swallowed, tongue flickering out to his lips and the salty flavor coating them as Logan placed a steadying hand on his leg, just resting it there. “T-t-tears” He managed to whisper. 

“Okay.” Vee squeezed him, giving a comforting pressure all around. “That’s...well the tears aren’t good, but it’s good you can taste them.“ He exhaled. “What about two things you smell?” 

Smell? Dee drew in a shaky breath through his nose. It was--it was...“La-La-Lav.” 

“Lavender? From my hoodie?” 

He nodded, breath hitching. “Mmmm.” He buried his face deeper into Virgil’s clothes. “Mint.” He mumbled. 

“Oh!” Patton gasped, pausing in rubbing Deceit’s back. “I get it.” He whispered

That made one of them, because Dee didn’t see how this was supposed to help. 

“It makes sense Virgil’s clothes would smell so as both scents help to calm those who are feeling anxious.” Logan said, fingers again returning to tapping their four, seven, eight pattern on his leg.

“What about three things you hear, my young Prince?” Roman asked. “Can you tell us that?”

It was who he didn’t want to hear currently. Dee hunched his shoulders. It was easier to admit his insecurities when it was just him and Vee, but facing- “Y-you Three.” He whispered. It wasn’t easy. Obviously. He grimaced. “Pat…Lo…Ro.” And Vee...but Roey had only wanted him to say three.

“And are we causing you stress, Deceit? Being here?” Logan asked.

All movement from the others ceased and Dee couldn’t help but flinch again, his hand clutching tighter to Roman’s to keep him from pulling away. From leaving.

_ Pathetic. _

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

“Ye--na--n--ye-na” He couldn’t get either word out. He didn’t want them here, seeing him like this, but he didn’t exactly want them to leave either. He swallowed, throat burning as he turned his head to rest his scaled cheek against Vee’s hoodie, keeping his eyes squeezed shut as he dropped his other hand to Logey’s cooler one, wishing he had another arm to make sure Pat couldn’t leave either. “S-s-stay?” 

_ If you had more of a spine you could easily MAKE them stay with you. _

_ Just silence them. _

_ Take control.  _

But he didn’t want to do that! He didn’t want to ruin the--the friendships he’d built with the others over the past year. 

“Aww, DeeDee.” Patton cooed, returning to rubbing small circles on his back. 

Dee flushed, ducking his head back against Virgil’s chest to hide how red his face must be.

And getting redder.

His breath caught, eyes nearly opening before he caught himself as Roman gently lifted Dee’s hand, pressing his lips to the back of it. “Of course, my young Prince. We’ll stay as long as you need us to. I promise.” 

_ Truth.  _

The tightness in Dee’s chest faded, allowing him to draw air deeper into his lungs. They were going to stay. The Big Four wouldn’t leave him. Not even--not even---after--si--silencing--

“Four things you feel, Dee.” Virgil said, again running his fingers through Deceit’s hair, holding him close.

That was easier. He felt...he felt….surrounded. But in a good way. Everyone was there...for him. Wanting to help. He tightened his grip on Logey and Roey. “Pat--my back. Lo--leg. Ro...hand. You--ho-holding me.” 

“And when you’re ready, Deceit.” Logan rested his other hand on top of Dee’s. “Tell us, what are five things you can see?”

See? Dee squirmed, biting his lip.

Seeing would require opening his eyes.

Seeing would mean he--he’d see their faces. 

And that---that--

_ Some Gatekeeper. _

_ Can’t even face your fears.  _

Dee gritted his teeth, pulling his hands back to his chest, digging his fingers into the cloak Virgil had made for him. He could face them. HE COULD! 

Roey had said they wouldn’t leave.

Vee proved that, sticking around even after he’d been silenced, holding onto him without being forced to provide comfort. 

Looking at them shouldn’t change that. 

_ Until they find out what you did to Virgil.  _

_ Until they remember you’re a DARK side.  _

“It’s okay, DeeDee.” Pat said, reassuringly. 

Ro again stroked his cheek with his thumb. “We’re here for you.”

_ Are they? _

Roey had promised.

_ Promises can be broken. _

_ You know that. _

“Bu-but---” Dee swallowed, eyelids fluttering as he leaned into Roman’s palm. “I--I just si-silenced--” 

The stroking stopped. “Silenced?”

“You used your ability?” Logan asked, the faintest of tremors to his voice as his hand twitched on Dee’s knee. “Up here?” 

“Kiddo, that’s not poss--” 

“It is.” 

Dee jerked at Vee’s steady voice, pulling free from Roman’s hand as his eyes flashed open to stare at the stormcloud on Virgil’s jacket. How coul--could he speak so calmly about being silenced! Dee could remember all too clearly the terror that had flashed across Anxiety’s face when his hands had slapped to his mouth. How the Shadows had sprung up in defense--

“But...How do you know?” Logan asked. 

Virgil shifted under him, shrugging one shoulder. “Dee silenced me, right before you guys showed up. Hands to the mouth and everything.” 

Patton made a soft noise of distress. “Nooooo.”

_ Here comes the rejection. _

_ The hatred. _

_ No one cares for Deceit.  _

Dee curled up tighter, hiding as much as his burning face as he could. “Mm. sorry.” He mumbled. He didn’t want to be--be that sort of Deceit. The Bad Guy. He just wanted to...be himself...whatever himself was now--he didn’t know anymore.

Virgil dropped his hand from Dee’s hair to his hands, squeezing them. “It was--” He exhaled. “A shock for both of us. I wasn’t expecting it--I don’t think Dee was either...we--well I handled it...badly.”

Badly? Dee shook his head, looking up at Virgil frowning at the dark shadows under his eyes. Sure being attacked by the shadows hadn’t been fun. But he had been the one to stop listening to Vee when he said to stop. He was the one who pushed to continue trying to make him sound more like his adult self. “No.” 

Virigl raised an eyebrow. “No?” 

He nodded, eyes flickering to the other three as they shifted closer to him so they could see his face. “No. Not just you--I was...I pushed, I was--was--b-bad.” His bottom lip trembled. He’d been so desperate to be his old self that he hadn’t considered the consequences of his actions, of what he was asking. “And you just help and help and help some more, not...hate me.” He pulled one hand free from its place under Virgil’s and raised it--only semi surprised that Anxiety didn’t flinch at his movement, to rest his hand on his cheek. “You handle it good.”

Virgil had remained the level-headed one, working to comfort him despite his own distress while Dee---He was the one who’d---well...had a meltdown. 

_ Like the useless child you are.  _

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

“So...I can assume.” Logan said, tilting his head. “That from the context given...Dee’s state of panic we found him in was from the...this...silencing that took place?” He asked, his fingers moving to tap in the four, seven, eight pattern again. 

“A silencing that shouldn’t have happened.” Roman mused, his eyes darting between Dee and Vee. “I mean--we proved his powers didn’t work on us months ago, Specs. That they only work while he’s in the subconscious with the Others.” 

Virgil shifted, though his hold remained steady on Dee as he drew in a breath. “I could be wrong, but I think….it’s because I began thinking of him as Deceit instead of Dilyn after I found him out here dressed in his old clothes.”

Huh? Dee looked down at his outfit--well the one Vee had made for him. The one that made him feel like himself for the first time in a long time. But that--how could--a change of clothes gave him his ability to silence back? That hardly made any sens--

“Of course!” Logan abruptly leaned forward, intently studying Dee’s clothes. “I can--Why did we not consider!?” 

Roman frowned. “Consider, Specs? Care to clue the rest of us in?”

Logan sat back, clearing his throat as he adjusted his tie. “We’ve all been concerned that Deceit’s stayed small far longer than the rest of us ever have...and with this new info.” He adjusted his glasses, the lens flashing in the faint light. “His unchanging state may be our fault.”

Deceit blinked, twisting to see Logan. Come again? Their fault? The Big Four had done nothing but help him for the past year! Keeping him safe and protected and his little state secret from the Others in the subconscious.

Patton made a noise in the back of his throat, fiddling with the edge of his hoodie as his hand paused on Dee’s back. “Our fault?” 

“Just think of it.” Logan gestured to all of them. “What did Roman say when he set the parameters for Deceit’s role as Dilyn a year ago?” 

Ro straightened, gesturing vaguely around the balcony. “Well, I said that he’s just a child in the mindscape. That he doesn’t have any particular funct--” He jerked. “Great Odin’s Eyepatch!” Roman turned to Logan. He jabbed his finger in the air. “No function. That’s what you’re getting at. We made Deceit--” 

Logan nodded. “Exactly. If Dilyn’s ‘role’ is to be a child and that he has no function in the mindscape, then there is no reason for him to grow or return to normal. Hence why Deceit--has remained how he is.”

“We didn’t let him be himself.” Patton whispered, pulling his hand back to grab onto the sleeves of his cat sweater. “In trying to make our lives easier while he was with us--we refused to let Deceit be himself.”

_ Truth.  _

Dee sat up in Virgil’s arms, eyes wide. The solution--it was--could it really be that simple? Had they really prevented him from growing the entire time by--by having him take on this role?! 

“Kinda my thoughts.” Virgil mumbled, fidgeting in place. “Hence why I--I gave him a version of his outfit back. To help him...feel more like Deceit.” 

_ Deceit will rise.  _

“So to fix this--” Roman snapped his fingers, grinning wide. “We just need to start treating you like Deceit again.” 

Dee stiffened, breath catching his throat. “ _ Just  _ like before?” He asked, hating how his voice trembled.

_ Back to being the Bad Guy. _

“NO.” Virgil wrapped his arms protectively around Dee as he shook his head. “I mean...Yes to you being Deceit again, Dee. But No to just like before. I mean...we can’t--we need to--”

“Accept him?” Patton asked, tilting his head, eyes shimmering in the faint light. “All of him. Like we did for you?”

“Exactly.” 

Was it really that easy? Dee looked between all of them. Were they really wanting him to be...Deceit? “But--” He ducked his head. “I’ll be...bad again.” 

“Falsehood.” Logan said, gently lifting Dee’s chin back up to meet his eyes. “Overall Thomas is a good person, which means that you are too….there is no need to return to exactly how things were before in order for you to function for Thomas.”

“It would be silly to act like nothing’s changed between us.” Patton said, bouncing in place. “I mean...DeeDee can make cookies with me just as easily as Dilio did, even when you’re back to being an adult! We can still be FamILY.”

_ Family.  _

The word had his stomach fluttering as chills rushed down his spine.  _ Family. _

It was strange how---how desperately Dee wanted that word to apply to him too. To be included. To be wanted. To be part of a group. Part of the Family.

“It’s just a matter of figuring out what you want, Dee.” Virgil said, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. “You don’t have to be stagnant. I mean...I changed. You can too. Be whoever you want to be.”

“Of course. Which means to potentially help Deceit return to normal--” Logan took Dee’s hand, his own giving the slightest of tremors as he raised it to his mouth, maintaining eye contact as he did so. “When you are ready.” He said, a faint shimmer of fear flashing across his eyes as his breath ghosted over Dee’s finger tips. “You can silence me as per your duties as Self Preservation to keep Thomas safe, I will not hate you for doing so.”

Dee caught his breath, eyes going wide. He...he wouldn’t? Hate...him?

“Same here, Jekyll and Lied.” Roman said placing his hand over Logan’s, giving a seated bow to Dee. “Silence me as you will. I won’t hate you either for doing your job.”

“Me too!” Patton agreed with a tremulous smile, adding his hand to the others. 

“You already silenced me--but yah.” Virgil shrugged, placing his hand on top. “You can do it again, I guess.” 

Dee--Deceit lifted his blurry eyes from their hands, heart pounding in his chest hard enough he wouldn’t be surprised if it burst. “You’re...you’re sure?” He whispered.

It had been so long...so very long since he’d attempted to use his powers on them. Attempted to be...Deceit. He didn’t--want to hurt them. He didn’t even know if he could anymore...but the knowledge that they were willing to let him...meant a lot. 

They nodded, even Virgil tilted his head the barest of degrees.

“If we can be ourselves around you, Deceit.” Logan said. 

“Then there is no need for you to pretend any longer to be someone else for us.” Roman finished, giving him a wink. “We’ll work it out.”

“Cus that’s what FamILY does!” Patton said, tousling his hair. “Even though you look like a kid, we’ll do our best to treat you like an adult from here out. It will be our New Year’s Goal! Okay, DeeDee?” 

_ Deceit will rise.  _

It wasn’t--wasn’t how he originally wanted to return--but this...this could work. To help him get back to normal. To be...Deceit again. 

Dee drew in a steadying breath, nodding. A new year. A new him. Hopefully working with the Big Four instead of against them.

“Five things I see.” He said softly, meeting everyone’s eyes as his small hand warmed in theirs. “Me with my Family.”


End file.
